finally i've log in again.stupid pwd. killing me.There's so much on my mind.I've found a new job. So far so good. **crossed fingers.I no longer feel happiness in the relationship i am in.Do u feel the same way as i do?爱情偷走我的理智你笑我死心眼爱你浪费多少时间你不会发现I dun wan to feel this way.4yrs.I know we have agreed to just live the moment. But, at this point of my life. i feel lk having something more. Initially, i know im spoilt. cos i love the attention you gave me.cos u listen to my every beck and call.now. we hv drifted apart. have we?I dun even bother to be spoilt or angry anymore.i can feel the tug of pain in my heart.i duno how to describe.it's like something tat's so wrong but yet we both just close one eye and ignore.but maybe to you, there aint anything wrong at all.im so scare of spending the rest of my life being on my own.Do u understand the fear i have?i just need some assurance. but all u can say is to live the moment, we wun be together forever.do u know how sick i feel.i might be strong enuff to say yes. but u fucking wasted my youth. it's alrite. im not blaming u.I dun like my life.
2009.
im still stuck at where i am.
shitty crap.
2009.
i have broken my ankle+ injure my knees which left an imprint which cant be erased.
The scar is there. forever. whoever causes it. pls feel guilt. ;p
2009.
im feeling aimless.
i duno what i wan.
actualli im lookin forward to 2010.
mb by then i will have a clearer mind.
i presumed that i shud have at least another 30+ years to live.
im scare. scare that when im old i'll still be so useless.
scare that i will still be so aimless.
scare that i will live alone.
scare that i will have no bling bling.
scare of so many things!
am i having mid life crisis? boohooo.
can some1 define simple for me?
I need all the powers from all there
My dear relatives up there
Send me all your power
I need to fight against someone vicious.
My strenght alone aint enuff.
Everyone follow me.
Put ya hands up in the air.
Think of my boss.
and chant.
*I Hate You*
Someone who have make my life miserable.
Someone who make my days like living hell.
May god bless that soul.
Im lazy, yet i will like the post the following
talkin to my italy fren always make me smile
Andrea says: you did not travel around the world!?
I say: Nooooooooo
Andrea says: what are you doing there?
I say: working
Andrea says: bisiness woman
I say: what you doing in italy?
Andrea says: physiotherapist
Andrea says: free lands
Andrea says: almost free
--> I can always never understand what he means. whahahaha
Andrea says: bali!?
I say: yes. and im planning to go japan next year
Andrea says: everybody tells about its beauties
--> Think its the beauty of italian language. it so abstract. everyone tells about its beauties
wat the hell does it means.
Andrea says: I am going to swim
Andrea says: into the sea
I say: i just went swimming in the afternoon
Andrea says: are you going tpo sleep?
I say: into the sea. is it dangerous
I say: soon.
Andrea says: no!
Andrea says: it is safe
I say: is it?
Andrea says: we have not big fishes
I say: oh.. small fishes
--> think i can entertain him pretty well.. hahahah
Back from Bali.I missed the laziness. Carefreeness. Missed the villa and definitely the pool.I hate Singapore.It gives me alot of problems.Family and work problems.I hate.Once again, my parents quarrel.I nv like my dad.He creates problem and yet he himself dun seems to understand the main problem lies in him.He is just like my boss.Pathetic me. I have to suffer with one at home and one at work.Sucks aint it.Sometimes i wonder. Why do i have all this weird thinkings.I think i got it from my mum.Me: Why r there so many lizards in our house?Mum: U wan lizards or roaches?And there, both of us sittin at our couch and ignore those lizards.hahahahI wanna move out.When can i move out? Im sad. Period.When can i be happy?When im outside.Sometimes the problem comes to me even when im out there.My gf knows wat im gg through. do u?pathetic 26yr old me.
It the 5th day into a new year.
I aint happy.
There aint much jobs available on jobsdb, jobstreet and monster.
From 830 till now i have received 5 missed calls from hell.
Aint they know im sick.
Fcuking stupid peops.
I hate those freaking ringing sounds.
Make my heart thumps.
boohooo.
Why is the economic so bad. i wan a new job. is it possible?
I promise. I will be a good girl. Pls give me a new job.
I will drink more water.
I will eat more vege.
I will exercise more.
I promise.
Was reading charlenely blogspot.
A strange feeling overwhelm me.
The type of feeling when u felt ya heart separated from your body
I wonder wat will i do if im in her shoe.
I dun even dare to think.
Losing a close one.
Imaging a life without her, kills.
Random post as follows. No flow juz random.
Xmas is a few days away.
Yet santa hasnt bring me wat i wan.
Im really in need of a new enviroment.
I love my friends. For bringing me joy.
I love my girl. For being there always.
I wanna to be sick now. Flu, fever watsoever. Pls come and find me.
I wun run away, this i promise. =)Photos. Make me feel ugly.Boohooo. I dun wan to face the fact tat im ugly. Boohoo
I love the fact that i remember my password.
=)
It sunday. Monday is a holiday. So here i am sitting infront of my desktop @1140pm.
Cool aint it. No heart wrenching pounding feeling.
Santa Santa,
why hasnt u sent me any joy yet.
***I wan a new job. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I wan a happier life.
I wan simple things in life. But sad to say i aint a simple person.
I love to splurge.
The life im leading now, requires me to have bling bling.
There aint no guy for me.
I can't depend on a husband cos i will have none.
I need to be financially stable for the life im leading now.
25yrs into this world.
Secondary School - School girl crushes. All i have in mind is how to attact the attention of the cute boy that sit next to me. No worries on monetary stuffs. No worries if the recession is coming. No worries on economic downturn.
Poly Year - Part time jobs, earning some small bucks. Studying. Worries on monetary stuffs.
Society life - worries on monetary stuffs. worries on economic downturns. worries on recession.
So why do i have to grow up? boohooo.
I seriously hate my job.
Wat i have predicted came true.It took me a yr to login.damn password.damn the laziness streak in me.but thats me. procrastinate. my fav hobby.Ok, next.I hate my job.I used to have a pretty good life. easy job @ Gbut i chose to give it up and return to B.Bloody hell B is giving lotsa of troubles.Every Sunday.I felt my heart pounding. I dun wan to go back to work. Depression sets inEvery Mon - FriI hate myself for landing myself in this shitEvery SatI hate the pathetic me tat went back to wrk.Every 27th of the monthI no longer gets the satisfaction. booohoooThis year, i landed my self in lotsa illness. Even ear infection is one of it. and i got 2 days mc. damn cool. So ear infection here i come. heeI wanna quit. Yet i dun have the courage. Im scare that i cant find another job. Mb it the pay factor tat im struggling with. but soon, very soon. I can feel it coming. Cos im realli at my verge of collapsing.booohoooooooooo.It xmas season. i wanna be jolly merry and happy.Pray pray wish wish.How i hope.Santa, pls send me lotsa joy. i know i aint a good girl. but ... it my job tat makes me a devil.
woah woah woah
finally, i manage to get in my blogger
after ages.
damn .. google
damn gmail
damn the weak strenght password
i can strongly perceive that this cycle is going to repeat itself again
the forgetful me is gonna forget the pwd again
again and again
sux
alrite,
i watched the phamton of the opera le
nice.. make a fool of myself by snapping a pic.. haha
love me, thats all i ask from u! =p
oh yar oh yar, expensive soft drink
and thanks to jeanette for the treat!
ok, next
i got myself a job
a job which im not comfortable with
a job which gives me cold feet even before i stepped in
a job that makes weeble and feeble like a tiny tweeny lil ant that is so scare of being step and crash
oh save me....... tell me it will get better
tell me i will blend in and learn those things fast
im not smart, im dumb.. why?
bloody hellllllll....
quick quick quick
everyone pray and wish me luck.
it really been a long time since i wrote.
Was reading my previous post.. love the way they brings back memories.
I still believe in aliens
I am still me.. but i have mellow down.
My B is away.
I got a taste of without someone in my life.
I spent time at home. I meet up with fen.
I had lunch/ dinner with her family.
Which is something i haven done in ages.
As i grow older, time seems to past and slip away faster.
Every monday to fri.. i work my arse off till 8plus almost everyday. i dun have time to watch tv shows. i dun have time to sit in front of my tv. why? is it becos i got bad time management?
My life had became more and more dulllllll....
If last time my life is grey, think now it shud be dark grey to black.. bored. period.
Nevertheless, she did bring some colours to my life.
Just felt like typing.. been a long time since i realli feel like writing.
wat the diff btw a girl and a boy?
alotsa difference. there are something a guy can gives u and a girl cant
and there are things where a girl can and a guy cant.
nevertheless, the love i had now is something that the society wun agree. is something that my family wun noe. if we ever break up it might be a dark secret that i will keep with me forever. she once ask me, will i go with another girl, last time my ans is strictly no. but now, haha.. no idea.
shit , think it the damn nite that makes me spill everything out here. mb it the fact that i love reading the past entries and know how i feel at that moment of time.
i had always dream of getting married, have a baby and divorce.. weird? but thats me. it still unchanged .. but will i bear to give her up? i dun think so. im so selfish.. im so scared i wun find a one that loves me as much as she do.
sometimes, i wonder to myself. will there be a guy to treat me as good as her. somehow i find it impossible. i cant compare. cos girl and guy are different. different entity. different cells. different hormones. so how can i compare? both of them had their cons and pros ba.
I just wana live my life to the fullest. easily said den done. how to live my life to the fullest when all the things that had encircle my life is work work work work work.
im definitely not a workaholic. but the stupid wrk load in my current workplace is endless. lotsa reports, reclassifications, justifications, calls and time deposits etc. killing me it is. but i have my only joy with me always. thats 1 thing i love bout her. she had become my only joy.
Simply her smile, her small lil eyes , her alien look alike face. Make me smile. it warms my heart.. sounds cheesy but it does. yeeeeks.. cant stand myself. ahahaha
Love her i do. take one step at a time ba. sad to say, i still dun see a future. i know it will hurts u to read this sentence. but just keep in mind, at this point of my life. u are the only one i love. no other guys can take ya space in my heart.
as for future.. may u find a bf too.. whahaha.. =p
nah nah nah, i might stick with u till our hair turns grey. cos i think i lost the flirtatious and friendilness trait in me. sad to say, u manage to convert me to les. haha. good job. well done.
alrite end of entry.
I miss you deeply.
Not even 1 call. damn.
it makes me worry.
u gonna get it from me when u r back.
ever since we became an item,
u left me alone to go to beijing
u left me alone to go to taiwan
now... m'sia
not even a call.. im angry.
im more towards worry den angry
last but not least, u are gonna get it from me when u r back
im gonna be the spoilt queen!
it been ages since i wrote.
just celebrated anni a few days ago.
love it.
The sleepy us which nearly cause us to miss our lunch.
Like the waitress which make the spinning bowl salad. cute. haha
Love the ambience. romance.
After lunch, we went walking around.. shopping.. hee
saw a few things tat i wanted.. but it all toooooo bloody ex.
wat can i say? im materialistic
wahaha.. how can i pauper be materialistic
it all because im not realistic enuff
hahaha
dinner, we went to eat sharkfin
hee.. full.. very very full..
after that we went home. to her home. with her parents n sis all at home. sian
but overall , it aint so bad afteralll.. at least i can still speak with her sis
but the thot tat her sis think me n her bath together is just so freaking funny
hahaha
anyway, i enjoyed myself.
even we had a slight quarrel tat day
all mainly because of her inconsiderate and selfishness. haha =P
