Monday, September 26, 2005

F*%K !!!!

Dun ask me why! Cos i juz feel so!!!

posted by joConfession @ 11:04 PM 0 Comments

Friday, September 16, 2005

Mood: Still moody..
Still Depressed..
Still Emo...
Still hating myself
Been weeks.. times pass.. somethings resolved... somethings haven.. And im still the "me" but no longer bubbly..
Made a decision of not breaking the truth to my family yet.. It so wrong.. I know it is so wrong.. But it juz felt so right even though it's so wrong.. Maybe it not even right but juz tat the ascetic me feels so as im denyin all the facts n avoiding the outcome at all means...
Friends been there for me.. im glad for tat.. im glad tat i have friends to accompany me thru this period.. Eventhough i have been avoiding n hidin..
Im facing the world now.. i need to go out of house almost everyday for skool.. it hurts to step into skool cos it keeps remindin me of the truth..
One once ask me how long am i gonna stay n brood in this thing?
Forever n ever ba? me myself dun even noe..
i thot i cud take it easy.. but it not easy at all..
i thot i cud act as if nothing have happen till nxt yr.. but it not easy at all..

posted by joConfession @ 11:57 PM 0 Comments

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Seems like bad luck have been knockin on my door..
"Knock knock"
Alot of things hit me at the same time.. Im really tryin to be strong.. Tryin to be jovial.. Trying to smile ... But im crumpling inside.. i hate the feelings of me feeling so weak! Everything is out of my control.. totally havin no control.. i cant see any future.. i cant see any outcome.. im freaking scared.. im shivering in cold sweat...

Nobody understands .. it sux.. i noe u all r there for me but it sux when nobody understands.. but me myself dun understand wat i hope u all to understand.. im blabbering here.. shit! i need to control my emotions..

i score badly in my exams n i haven been able to break the news out yet.. i tried... i realli did.. but i juz manage to told my mum tat i did badly.. i could see the disappointment in her eyes.. and it killing me... i nv want to be a burden to my family.. i nv want them to be disappointed in me.. maybe im brought up in the way tat i cant commit any mistakes.. i hate it..

I lost someone in my family.. it better for him to be at the other place.. it more peaceful there.. rather den living in the corrupted full of nonsence family he is in...
I cant stand the continuous blabberin arguements between my relatives.. pushing blame here and there.. and im suppose to stand strong beside my mum now cos my dad is too damn weak to be there for her becos of his stupid illness..!!! How i wish i can be like my bro.. " it adult matters doesnt concern him.. n juz keep on playin his stupid frozen throne!!!"

I had to be strong for my mum and my ah yee.. i can onli cry at nite on my bed.. i can onli cry when nobody is around.. i need my life back.. But im bloodly hell feeling weak..

Life been smooth for me in my past 22 years.. maybe i had been too pampered.. tats y im takin it all in so hard nw.. im sick of cryin.. i joke around.. i luff i smile but im hurting so deep inside .. how am i going to stand strong when both my parents are cryin almost everyday... how am i?

posted by joConfession @ 2:02 PM 0 Comments

Friday, September 02, 2005

Feelin sad..
Pretty disappointed with myself..
Never have i thot i will feel this way..
I hate myself... I hate myself... I hate myself...
Im feelin so weak... so down... so sad... so depress... so disappointed...
I hate myself!

Juz let me die.. if i can.. i will..

posted by joConfession @ 12:47 AM 0 Comments