"Knock knock"
Alot of things hit me at the same time.. Im really tryin to be strong.. Tryin to be jovial.. Trying to smile ... But im crumpling inside.. i hate the feelings of me feeling so weak! Everything is out of my control.. totally havin no control.. i cant see any future.. i cant see any outcome.. im freaking scared.. im shivering in cold sweat...
Nobody understands .. it sux.. i noe u all r there for me but it sux when nobody understands.. but me myself dun understand wat i hope u all to understand.. im blabbering here.. shit! i need to control my emotions..
i score badly in my exams n i haven been able to break the news out yet.. i tried... i realli did.. but i juz manage to told my mum tat i did badly.. i could see the disappointment in her eyes.. and it killing me... i nv want to be a burden to my family.. i nv want them to be disappointed in me.. maybe im brought up in the way tat i cant commit any mistakes.. i hate it..
I lost someone in my family.. it better for him to be at the other place.. it more peaceful there.. rather den living in the corrupted full of nonsence family he is in...
I cant stand the continuous blabberin arguements between my relatives.. pushing blame here and there.. and im suppose to stand strong beside my mum now cos my dad is too damn weak to be there for her becos of his stupid illness..!!! How i wish i can be like my bro.. " it adult matters doesnt concern him.. n juz keep on playin his stupid frozen throne!!!"
I had to be strong for my mum and my ah yee.. i can onli cry at nite on my bed.. i can onli cry when nobody is around.. i need my life back.. But im bloodly hell feeling weak..
Life been smooth for me in my past 22 years.. maybe i had been too pampered.. tats y im takin it all in so hard nw.. im sick of cryin.. i joke around.. i luff i smile but im hurting so deep inside .. how am i going to stand strong when both my parents are cryin almost everyday... how am i?
posted by joConfession @ 2:02 PM
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